So let me explain how this works.
I believe there are certain personality types that find each other. This is not to say that these types should ever go together, or go against one another—but they do have a habit of ending up always near each other.
The two types I’m talking about are that of compassionate heart and the selfish lover.
It’s interesting seeing these two types interact. Even from the jump, you can tell the roles each type will be playing in the others’ life…
So, the compassionate person is usually sweet. Quick to love, slow to anger. Feels very much that they can make a difference in anyone’s life. I love this type of person, because they are always pretty happy. They’re like a good painting in a room or something. Meaning, you don’t always have to know they are there, but when you turn your head and notice them, you just feel better.
Then there’s the bad boy. Could very easily be the bad girl, but bad boy just makes more sense in this example. Anyway… so the bad boy. The bad boy is very aware of himself. The bad boy knows what works, and definitely knows how to get attention. He lives very much to hear others use his name, and likes to feed his ego.
Good girl meets bad boy.
At first, this relationship always works out pretty well. The bad boy masks his self-indulgence with the bliss of the new friendship/relationship. The compassionate heart is drawn in by the person who is very confident in himself. Very bold, and is by nature a go-getter. Confidence always makes being sure of someone easier.
But as time goes on, these two begin seeing each other’s true sides. The bad boy realizes that the compassionate one is giving him a lot of her heart. A lot of trust. A lot of room to be who he is without questioning it. The bad boy, naturally, begins to take full advantage.
[Side Note: If this at anytime feels like a treatment for an episode of “The Hills,” it’s because it probably is how they script most episodes.]
So, the compassionate heart, being slow to anger, begins to feel unequal. She would like more attention, but likes to “shoo” the thought out her head at first. She thinks it’s just a passing thought, or that maybe she justifies, saying “no, he didn’t mean it that way.” Either way, she lets it go on for some time. Too long is my guess.
Love is about balance.
In any relationship this is true. So when one person starts to take on all the weight of the relationship, it’s only right that person feels like it’s becoming straining. Meanwhile, the person on the top of the seesaw or relationship balance is feeling no pressure, and gets confused at the fact that this “perfect” relationship is now being questioned and “making it complicated.”
The bad boy doesn’t see a problem, and then becomes a little stressed out at the fact that this sudden pressure is being put on him…
It’s funny when people aren’t used to holding anything, holding something feels like a lot. But when someone has been carrying a lot of weight, trying to distribute weight is even harder.
Is it easier to let go of weight or to take more on? I think for a while, we try to carry more weight than we’re ready for.
Now, based on the longevity of the relationship and the amount of “experiences” the two shared, this back and forth could last a while. Sadly. It’s hard to watch such a thing, because you see the right thing all along, but what are friends’ words compared to a lovers?
Love is really about relationship. Trusting, and carrying each others weight in order to balance it all out. When weight gets unbalanced, it really becomes hard to maintain. I wish it weren’t this complicated. I wish love were simple. But I think the whole point of love is proving that this life is bigger than us. I think that’s the point of life.
I relate to this so well—because it takes having been one to know what one looks like.
-Jason O’Toole
(Source: memoir.jasonotoole.com)
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