I stand firmly in the belief that men are built to lead in the relationship. Not by force, but through serving their significant other, and obeying in the instruction of God.
The thing about men: The idea of this sounds good being the Man. Controlling the situation; deciding what’s best for “us;” choosing which Redbox we’re getting for date night. All things that on the surface feel pretty good.
The thing about women: Women also desire the control. But women are much smarter than men (universally agreed upon)… So, women have enough sense to let the man wear the title of “Leader,” but are interwoven in the decision-making enough, that eventually their choices become law.
Enter hard decisions.
This is when both men and women feel the pressure. When life is difficult, and decisions can be the life or death of the relationship. It’s these moments, I’ve found, where the relationships grows stronger through, or collapses due to its weak foundations.
Now, I would love to stand here and speak naively, boasting on how “Christian relationships are so different, because ultimately Christ is at the center of it…” But people are people. We are built with the same stubbornness, fire, and passion as God Himself. You can love God and still want to watch “Bridesmaids” over “Battle: LA.”
When a man makes a decision, he is putting all he knows into play with all he believes.
It’s incredibly difficult to lead in matter of the heart especially when spiritual attacks what that’s where you’re most vulnerable. But I believe time and patience prove the merit of a decision.
If I could script the perfect relationship, it would be one where I am entrusted fully with her heart, and she with mine. But where I feel all relationships suffer is in understanding how deep scars run. No matter how softly they’re covered up by moments of joy and freedom. If we take time and really feel how heavy someone else’s fears and burdens; we will approach more cautiously, and with much more regard.
This is the new challenge I am instituting with every relationship I hold.
To be continued…
-Jason O’Toole
(Source: memoir.jasonotoole.com)
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